Doe a Dear, Oh an Opossum

“OHMYGOD! It’s a cat!” … “Oh my God…that’s not a cat…”

This is a story about what to do if you find yourself staring into the face of a possum in the entryway of your dorm.

It was 10 pm on a clear, star lit fall night last November. My boyfriend, Will, was walking me back to my dorm after a date. It’d been a fun day, nothing too memorable, and definitely nothing like what was about to occur. You see, I’m extremely passionate about getting excited about small things, like seeing a rainbow, guide dog puppies, new books, froyo, and cats. What can I say, I’m very easy to please. Another thing to point out is that my eyesight isn’t what it used to be.

So here I was, slightly squinting as Will and I meandered up the walkway to my dorm. Out of the bushes waddled this blurry, kitten-sized gray lump with a tail. In a maddened frenzy I dropped my boyfriend’s hand, stretched up onto my tiptoes, and scream-whispered “OHMYGOD! It’s a cat!” Immediately I began to rush up to the grey lump, who’d attracted more gawking students. Hey, it must be a popular cat, right?

As soon as I started to squad down and coo at the little baby pseudo-kitten, my eyesight adjusted. It must’ve looked like the world’s most awkward game of limbo. I reeled backwards as quickly as I could, thrusting my hips outward to propel me away from the now hissing possum, my hands outstretched to the heavens, head held back, mouth open wide. Oh my God, that’s not a cat.

I pirouetted towards my dorm’s entryway, landing clumsily on one foot before falling over into the landing’s railing. Spooked that the little bugger might have followed me to the door, I embodied my inner ballerina and performed an assemble, only to catch a glimpse of my boyfriend stifling a laugh and the grey lump waddling off into the distance. Moral of the story? Don’t mistake grey blobs for domesticated animals. And if you get too close, poorly performed dance moves seem to help.

xo Bailey


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