How are we today? Are we doing okay? It’s okay to not be okay.
There have been a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head about how I wanted to write about the corona virus on my blog. I’ve had a lot of time to process these thoughts, and I still haven’t quite made any sense of them. And that’s okay. There isn’t much of a protocol for my generation when it comes to a global pandemic. I have nothing to look to for guidance, other than the Spanish flu. And I keep reminding myself that that’s okay. Not having guidance is okay. Not knowing what’s coming next is okay. It will all be okay.
I am very type A. My family and friends joke about my OCD tendencies and about how much of a control freak I am. This time has been incredibly hard for me because all my schedules have been disrupted, all plans cancelled, and all semblance of control has been thrown out from under me. I’ve been using this time to learn how to be okay when everything I use to stabilize my life (order, organization, schedules, events) is gone. This also means creating a new schedule, which looks a whole lot like “move to living room at 8:15 am for class; at 9:55 take a break to sit outside on the porch; at 10:45 come back inside for class; move from the kitchen table to the floor.” I miss the regularity of my law school classes. I also miss being with friends, even if we were stuck with each other starting at 8:30 am every day (I am not a great morning person…).
If you know me, you know I do not do well with change. This period of my life has been nothing but change, and that’s also been difficult. Leaving Athens, moving to Macon, starting law school, leaving all my friends behind and making new ones, trying to be comfortable with essentially “starting all over” with my professional life, and now the pandemic. Sitting here, counting all the major life changes that have happened in the past 10 months, brings an embarrassing amount of panic. I’m talking about it because I know there’s someone else out there that needs to hear that it’s okay to freak out a little. It’s okay to wallow in your discomfort for a little while before moving on; healthy, even, to do so. The important thing is to move on eventually. Keep moving forward a tiny bit each day. Take a step back if you need to, but always remember to keep stepping forward.
Change becomes comfortable with time, and right now it feels like we have an endless amount of time before us, but also a nagging fear that our time might be cut short. It’s a strange paradox to be in. But we’re in this together.